Here I Am
Here I Am
Bill Murray nominating Harold Ramis for Best Cinematography at the 2014 Academy Awards
Round Two: Favorite Nez pics from almost every decade
Sometimes things come full circle. Last October, my husband and I drove to Dallas to see Michael Nesmith in concert. We had a wonderful time and I was happy. For the next week, life was great. I was literally walking on air. But then, out of nowhere, my husband was laid off from his job and our world did a little tail spin. He was able to find a part time job to see us through the holidays but November, December and January were pretty depressing.
My husband hated his part time job; my job was suddenly not as secure as it had been. My elderly mother in law has always relied on us to supplement her fixed income. We tried to explain to her that we couldn’t help out like she wanted us to but she never stopped expecting us to pick up her financial slack. On top of all this, our oldest daughter applied to an academic program at a distant middle school. We didn’t want her to have to go to the nearby middle school based on its reputation and location. Both are bad.
That creative fire I rediscovered back in September suddenly and painfully disappeared. When my husband lost his job, it was like someone dumped a bucket of ice water all over that fire. I stopped writing completely, feeling defeated and unmotivated.
We lived for three months drowning in anxiety and depression. Uncertainty is a terrible thing. It makes every move excruciating and debilitating. The simplest of things, like buying a soda, become monumental decisions. I’m not saying that our life was horrible. We had each other and our friends but there was always an underlying fear of something else going wrong that propelled us.
The point of all this is to tell you that during this time, I was listening to Michael Nesmith’s music exclusively. I even skipped listening to my beloved Christmas music in favor of Nez. (My husband found comfort in Haim.) Roll With the Flow and Keep On became anthems for me when I was feeling low, which was a lot. The one luxury I allowed myself was ordering a copy of Movies of the Mind Live Album. My kids are tired of Michael Nesmith. Its all I play in the car. They roll their eyes when they see me on Tumblr. But, truly, I felt like if I could just listen to one more Nez song, everything would turn out okay.
The other thing that kept me going was coming on Tumblr and losing myself in the fandoms that I feel like I peripherally belong. I can’t express how nice it was to go on my dash and see that life does go on and that there were other people out there not just me in my little world of depression.
Now its March and things are different. In February, my husband found a full time job that he really likes. My job situation settled down and my worry about it diminished. We were finally notified of my daughter’s acceptance into the academic program. Suddenly, I wasn’t filled with anxiety. I really was rolling with the flow. Last Saturday, my entire family had the day off. No one had anything that HAD to be done or anywhere they HAD to go. It was a lazy day with no cares. When the mail came, there was my copy of Movies of the Mind Live Album. If that isn’t a full circle, I don’t know what is.
So, thank you to Nez, for getting me through a pretty rough time. I don’t know what I would have done without his songs.
And if you’ve made it to the end of this little piece of catharsis, to my fellow Tumblr travelers for posting that Michael Nesmith picture or Grimm gif or reblogging something that made me smile, Thanks, I needed that.
imagine if your favorite band member was obsessed with you
michael, 1969 (www.monkeesconcerts.com)